Headline News

HEADLINE NEWS                          Charli Wiggill

‘Darra-dada, Darra-dada, Darra-dada…

“These ees da News at ate
Presee dent Mbekee, jus bek from Pees Tocks
Sed Zim Bob wee wos on trek
 

Een hees spitch  ata relly in Mtata

She sed of So then Afreeka
‘Da Afreekan Rinay Sonns bee geens et hom’
 

A lokil sed, ‘Arwa dee monds are

Free dom een ebbon errors laaik Harrare
Da pee pulls is suffa reeng’
 

da rehality een da weld too day

Far too meny wee pons like AK47s
Itch and aviary sitizin wonts pis
 
Wekkas wont more mo nee for produk tee vee tee
Dey hed weds weeth da Meeneesta end
One striker wos bitten weeth a steek on hees hed
 
Een Johennes beg these mor neeng
A nother beeg beel ding wos con dem med

End to end on da spor teeng front
Da Cape to R10-00¹ Race was won by…”

 

¹ “The cape to R10 (ten rand) race” – This is quoted verbatim from a SABC3 News Broadcast a few years back and prompted the writing of this piece. Shame on the director (and not the news reader) who allowed this oversight without helping the news reader.

 

local erections

This has been posted before, but as we have national elections in 2014, the profusion of posters has already started destroying the rain forests...
Oh, and our northern neighbour is undergoing their national elections at the very time this is reposted - Zimbabwe, may your country enjoy peaceful elections and move into this century in a belated, but dignified manner...

local erections          

Dedicated, not to our leaders who are true, but to the politicians whose salaries we pay…
abrupt overnight profusion of posters
wanted for your ward placards
(just like in the untamed west)
and brash erectioneering
pimping gimmicks and gadgets -
legalising abortion – what is our cut
procuring peaceful war machines – what is our cut
serving beetroot and African potato - what is our cut
ignoring Baba Robert up north – what is our cut
unequal non-equal equality – what is our cut
unrascist non-racist racism – what is our cut
but your Honour – what is our cut…

when voting
pick your prick
a mistaken cross
(not a tick; get it?)
once erected
some proud members,
huge in stature
stand to be counted
many, less endowed, flaccid
bald head down in the back benches
some swapping parties
some swapping partners
some swapping conjugal rights
for very adult childish games

those upstanding
discuss
pubic amenities
tax cuts
the unkindest cut of all
circumscribe, the cock and bull
while others just work
on keeping up with the Zumas
(quite hard to do… no really!)

at the end of the day
politicians are just like penises:
for the most part – unavailable,
shrouded behind zippers with
two indolent guards just hanging around
at pubic expense
promising big things, but
on delivery
frequently rather disappointing
frequently shooting from the hip
frequently missing the whole –
point
frequently abandoning pregnant pauses
and many bastardised laws

and, mostly, the public get exactly what they want -
after lame pick-up lines,
productive propositioning,
stripping off the truth,
a little fumbling and foreplay,
then voted into orifice –
we get soundly screwed
oh - and the biggest prick usually wins anyway!

proliferation of silence

scientific argument looms lunaticlarge

international community shouts realdollars

developed world in educated superiority

developing world grasping vermin of society

accusations pointed both at each, rife

foundations fund concoctions of antidote

shout publicity of humanitarian aid

scientific argument looms lunaticloud

silently, my car zeros at the traffic light

surveying the numb ooze of idyllic city scenes

swamped by orphaned toddlers up on tippy-toes

gazing blankly into my quiet home comfort

glue bottle readying the quite cold comfort

silent unsaid messages stated loud and clear

I stare blankly through their veiled pleas

silently, my heart zeros at the traffic light

silently, I sit at your side, next to you

bedclothes steaming, a crumpled tangle

eyes adrift in a tempestuous, stormy sea

misdirected and focusing behind beyond

many unasked answers in your emaciated face

government plods ponderously, retro-virally

society silences the inevitable, we silence silence

silently, I sit far from your side, next to you

current account - by charli wiggill

with rich and varied
struggle history
feted internationally
South Africa is blessed

many Robben Island graduates
orchestrate a peaceful revolution
advise world bodies in various affairs
glorious leaders amongst men

sitting with a blank cheque
able to fill in any future
masses scribble a bouncer
placing balance in the red

certain account holders
deposit an expired cheque
African Renaissance not considered
banking integrity never questioned

other account holders, many
deposit a false cheque
moral balance never considered
banking integrity never questioned

of all possible transactions
positive inter-account transfers
probable interest on investments
is this the sum of our current account!

two questionable cheques –
one dud
one stale,
neither signed on policy!

with two unsigned cheques
battling it out in the ledgers
banking regulations are flouted
future policy lies disguised

account holders are uninformed
or apparently do not really care
so many possibles for excellence
yet our account hangs in the balance