Underberg Road

Underberg Road                                                        Charli Wiggill

 

In the dense, dark mist

just oozing through
s l o w l y
w a r i l y
w e a r i l y
via Underberg,

having left too late.

 
Smothered in space
by gusts of blind faith.
Grey shadows with feint haloes
spirit by, floating cautiously -
Travelling on the edge of time.
 
Roads department throws a lifeline,
a rosary for safe passage -
bright fluorescent beads
strung together with
white, luminous road paint.
 

So, dangling from this precarious string

we thread our way
and gradually encounter our destination

Headline News

HEADLINE NEWS                          Charli Wiggill

‘Darra-dada, Darra-dada, Darra-dada…

“These ees da News at ate
Presee dent Mbekee, jus bek from Pees Tocks
Sed Zim Bob wee wos on trek
 

Een hees spitch  ata relly in Mtata

She sed of So then Afreeka
‘Da Afreekan Rinay Sonns bee geens et hom’
 

A lokil sed, ‘Arwa dee monds are

Free dom een ebbon errors laaik Harrare
Da pee pulls is suffa reeng’
 

da rehality een da weld too day

Far too meny wee pons like AK47s
Itch and aviary sitizin wonts pis
 
Wekkas wont more mo nee for produk tee vee tee
Dey hed weds weeth da Meeneesta end
One striker wos bitten weeth a steek on hees hed
 
Een Johennes beg these mor neeng
A nother beeg beel ding wos con dem med

End to end on da spor teeng front
Da Cape to R10-00¹ Race was won by…”

 

¹ “The cape to R10 (ten rand) race” – This is quoted verbatim from a SABC3 News Broadcast a few years back and prompted the writing of this piece. Shame on the director (and not the news reader) who allowed this oversight without helping the news reader.

 

local erections

This has been posted before, but as we have national elections in 2014, the profusion of posters has already started destroying the rain forests...
Oh, and our northern neighbour is undergoing their national elections at the very time this is reposted - Zimbabwe, may your country enjoy peaceful elections and move into this century in a belated, but dignified manner...

local erections          

Dedicated, not to our leaders who are true, but to the politicians whose salaries we pay…
abrupt overnight profusion of posters
wanted for your ward placards
(just like in the untamed west)
and brash erectioneering
pimping gimmicks and gadgets -
legalising abortion – what is our cut
procuring peaceful war machines – what is our cut
serving beetroot and African potato - what is our cut
ignoring Baba Robert up north – what is our cut
unequal non-equal equality – what is our cut
unrascist non-racist racism – what is our cut
but your Honour – what is our cut…

when voting
pick your prick
a mistaken cross
(not a tick; get it?)
once erected
some proud members,
huge in stature
stand to be counted
many, less endowed, flaccid
bald head down in the back benches
some swapping parties
some swapping partners
some swapping conjugal rights
for very adult childish games

those upstanding
discuss
pubic amenities
tax cuts
the unkindest cut of all
circumscribe, the cock and bull
while others just work
on keeping up with the Zumas
(quite hard to do… no really!)

at the end of the day
politicians are just like penises:
for the most part – unavailable,
shrouded behind zippers with
two indolent guards just hanging around
at pubic expense
promising big things, but
on delivery
frequently rather disappointing
frequently shooting from the hip
frequently missing the whole –
point
frequently abandoning pregnant pauses
and many bastardised laws

and, mostly, the public get exactly what they want -
after lame pick-up lines,
productive propositioning,
stripping off the truth,
a little fumbling and foreplay,
then voted into orifice –
we get soundly screwed
oh - and the biggest prick usually wins anyway!

Pongola Game Reserve

a harbour

a harbour                                                      Charli Wiggill

 

like freebies from the cereal box

one dimensional plastic goodies
pasted onto extremity of horizon
dinky ships stuck patiently
glued to the deep dark depths
 
harbours lie subserviently
wait vacuously for the masters
vaginal openings, awaiting docking
vessels, cumbersome, take their time
 
then the ships thrust up the channel
to’ing and fro’ing ‘til snugly berthed
copious produce spews out from the bowels
satiating the quayside sheds with cash
 

with succeeding trimesters

local economy grows and swells
proud clan we are, look on
Durban gives life to new berth
Durban gives birth to new life

cyclicals

cyclicals                                                        Charli Wiggill

 

the cycle of life…

a mundane brown lifeless stem
abruptly new shoots emerge
growing tall and strong
 
umbrella bud bides its time
springs the catch
bursts bloom as a sign

smiles fragrant greetings at passers-by
is visited and tickled
by many summer well-wishers
 

colourful façade fades

but beauty is not lost
a more pressing purpose grows
 
fruitful maturity borne generously
bowed boughs massed
weighted with self-sacrifice
 
sweet fruits of the spirit
ambrosia for others
nature’s gift for the heart
 
seeds rerouted and rooted
fed on warmth of sunshine
nurtured with kind thoughts
 
saplings strengthen
resolve to get ahead
lessons learned before
 
leaves twist and turn
define an acrobatic arc
mulch the precious soil
 
the cycle of love…

Hostel Life

Hostel Life                                       Charli Wiggill

Tick, tock, tick, tock, Kringgggggg....

Wake up! Wake up! It’s already 5.30 am

Good morning - today is a school day

Rise and shine…

Get up! Get up!

Aaaargh…

But we are really sleepy... We want to sleep some more

No... no... no… no... no…

Don’t disturb me...please...

Hey – come, come, come! Are you out of your mind?

You need to shower or

Take turns to bath and go to the loo.

Hey you… yes you, Buster - get up!

You might just be late…

We need to get this done today, you know

The school bell waits for no-one

Aaaaaaaaaaah – only cold showers again!

Huargh... What?

Have you made your bed?

Did you polish your shoes?

Is your shirt ironed?

Have you finished your Maths homework?

Arrr noooo... What?

We need to hurry

It’s already 6.15 am... and time for breakfast...

If you’re late...watch out... you’ll get into trouble

Now...the best part of hostel life is... meal time...

Grumble... rumble... grumble...

My tummy is groaning...

Yay – oily grey eggs and dry bread… again?

Urm...Yummy...slurrrppp…

Don’t take too much milk – it’s sour!

Yuck, I hate rotten milk – it tastes vile!

But if you use a ton of sugar it’s not too bad.

Don’t forget to put your plates and glasses in the basin....

 

There are many types of people here:

fat, skinny, tall, short, athletic, cute, pretty and the most peculiar is...the nerd!

Any nerds here? Whyyyy?

Hey, shhhhhhhhh – you’ll get a wack from Freckles, if you’re not careful

Thwack... Ouch... what was that for? Thwack – shuddup!

Do you know something?

Er… no?

Aaaaa... Help! Help! Run! Run! Big Bully Boy is chasing meeeee…

Excuse me! Who will look after all those… those, er, that stuff?

Hey – I’m speaking to you – yes, you!

Did you see the frog I caught for our Natural Science project?

Did you see Big Foot and Snollies hitting it off last night?

Stop spreading rumours man!

No, really - Big Foot’s bragging about it today

Oh, really – but he’s such a show-off!

Geraldine is so stuck-up, man

Have you ever seen somebody with their nose up in the air like that!

Ee... ish... we hate work... the prefects are slave-drivers:

Clean the dorm, sweep the floor, clean the windows

Wash the clothes, wipe the tables,

Like it or not... move it, man, move it... anytime and anywhere.

 

But... in the hostel, after all’s said and done

We depend on each other...

In the beginning we were scared of the teachers and the prefects

Especially when we first met them

And they caught us red-handed.

That was our first real attempt at smoking

Boy, did we splutter and cough and cough -

Banana leaves certainly smell awful when burning!

We thought we were unlucky not to be day scholars, then,

We were even scared

You, you were... Why scared?

Because there are just so many rules to be obeyed:

If you do not obey the rules and regulations…

If you are late...your name will be taken by the prefect...

Ooo… oh... all hell breaks loose!

But you eventually acclimatise to this special place!

The teachers (even old Porky) are our foster parents.

 

So, hostel life has its ups and downs...

BUT

We really are a big happy family.

You won’t ever forget your friends

You may realise the significance of this special life

Once you leave it –

You might even find that...

There is no other life like hostel life...

A special place for a chosen people like us!

At the Museum

At the Museum                             Charli Wiggill

Dad dragged us all to the natural history museum.
Though we appeared agreeable and familial
Mentally I was really kicking and screaming
against this perceived ordeal.

What a monstrous intrusion into my time!
As an avid gamer and social networker
I live a completely active and exhausting existence
in a very real but virtual world of memes, MXit, FaceBook and YouTube.
Back in the museum my fears were confirmed at the first exhibit:
A dusty duck-billed platypus from Australia gawked up at us all glassy-eyed…
Well I never – how curiously ridiculous!
Tommy, my horrid little brother was already trumpeting at the stuffed elephant
With heavy ivory twins gleaming in the dappled light and its substantial trunk raised in salute.
Pheeeeeeuuuueeeeeeeewwww! Pheeeeeeuuuueeeeeeeewwww!
I learned elephants gestate for 22 months – yessss – twenteeeee-twooooo months!
Wow - still not cool – but wow!

Tommy lurched out from behind a lion kill
Rooooaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Mother squealed in shock and dad jumped just a little (though he’ll never admit it).
This was quite funny and I caught myself laughing just a little, but really not cool
especially as I almost dropped my MP3 player and iPhone;
Luckily my earbud headphones saved the near-crash, and
with One Direction  pumping through my brain, I BBM’ed my best friend and,
checking I was still connected to the real world, calmed down soon enough.
I hate to admit it, but the whale skeleton was vaguely impressive.
It was 31 metres long - roughly the length of a basketball court – and
the original animal had weighed about 160 tons.
I imagined Justin Bieber being swallowed for a spell and
grinned at how that would disturb Amy, my 13-year-old sister.
Just then my dad dropped all decorum with the gaffe of the year:
He compared the voluptuous buttocks of the hippotamus to our, er,
mother’s… distress (he certainly won’t be eating this week).
And then my interest was suddenly piqued –
Before us stood the perfectly posed remains of the most magnificent animal.
It had the stature of an elephant-cross-hippo with short, strong and muscled legs.
It had a substantially distended jaw and a snout studded with a double horn in series.
My fascination grew incrementally and, just then,
Mom announced proudly for all to hear:

‘This is the now extinct Rhinoceros. We in KwaZulu-Natal had the last one in the world                  before it was shot by poachers. But they left the meat. Only took the horns.’